Today I was reflecting on where I was a year ago and just in
awe at how much things can change in one year. Last February and March were one
of the lowest points in my life. Processing my mother’s death was an
overwhelming experience in itself. Adding to that was an end to a relationship
that had once seemed promising, and on top of that, an inability to secure
employment in spite of months of diligent effort. I was struggling to stay afloat, feeling
lost and unanchored, nearly drowning in a sea of insecurity, instability, disillusionment,
uncertainty and fear. When I lost my
husband nine years ago, many people commented on how remarkably well I seemed
to handle things. But I had three children still at home and a fulfilling, rewarding
job. Those things did not lessen the grief, but they did serve as anchors of
stability. They provided routines and responsibilities that carried me through
the days as I healed and processed my grief.
In contrast, sitting where I am today, with immensely more
stability than I had a year ago, I am in awe that I got through it. No job, no
children at home, no relationship… yes, I have other family and I spent some
time with them. But they have lives and families of their own so there were
many days and nights it was just me -- alone in an empty house, with a hurting heart, struggling to find some sort of direction again. Any of these life events—loss of a parent, extended
unemployment, or dealing with a failed relationship are challenges to one’s
sense of peace, stability, and financial and emotional security. So to be
juggling them all at once… and to not have one of those legs on solid ground to
help support the instability in the other areas was… well… it was a lot to deal
with at once. Those were tough times and forced me to seek out every available
resource to survive; to stay afloat.
A few things that were helpful --About right in the midst of
that valley, I posted a blog in which I shared some of my despair and explaining
how I was embarking on a journey seeking inner peace. The response and outreach from my Facebook
community was amazing. Those connections were life preservers -- something tangible I could grab onto to keep my head above water. And I deeply appreciate those who reached
out to me. Many people commented and many people wrote private
messages of support, encouragement, and shared experiences. Those small gestures made a huge difference.
Another thing I did at that time was signed up to sell
Pampered Chef. I was getting nowhere in securing employment and it was very
empowering to have an opportunity like that in which I could have some control
over my financial situation. Instead of sitting and waiting for a response, I could go out and immediately do something. For
several months, that provided some income for me and more importantly, gave me something
positive to focus on. Many of my friends and family placed orders, came to my
parties and hosted parties. Another thing I'm hugely grateful for and yet another example of what may seem like a small gesture having a huge
impact on helping someone else.
And last but not least, were three very special
friends, two of whom befriended me at that time, really knowing little of my
situation. We just met through circumstances.
Most of my adult life, I have either been married or had small children
and had little opportunity to do things with single friends so I didn’t have
many single friends. So when my relationship ended, and my close family and
friends had their own families keeping them busy, I spent a lot of time alone
until one night when my friend invited me over for dinner at his
place along with several of his friends. It was there that I became friends
with two other girls. These three people made such a difference in my life simply by being friends.
Each of them in their own ways. Whether it was just going out on a Saturday
night to hear a band, meeting for lunch or chatting on Facebook or texting,
they were instrumental in helping me get all the way back on solid ground again. I will forever be grateful and they hold a special place in my heart.
So in summary, I am just in awe at the stark contrasts of my
life journey as I sit here today with a rewarding, fulfilling, challenging
full-time job that I absolutely love ; with a husband who is my friend, lover
and partner in life and a marriage in which we support and encourage each other
to explore our interests and dreams; AND with a part-time job that is
rewarding, fulfilling and fun, and a life that is so busy and full that now my
biggest challenge is finding time to spend with my family and friends who are
so dear to me!
I have always been a person who chooses optimism. I choose to look for
the bright side and focus on the positives. But that doesn’t come from being naïve,
or not having experienced hard times. There are countless times in my life where
I’ve had to muster up every scrap of perseverance from the shattered pieces of
my life and gather them together in order to get up and go one more time -- knowing that somewhere ahead was a brighter day. I’m a huge believer that we
all have the power to write our own story. We can’t always choose the
circumstances, but we can ALWAYS choose our attitude. We can’t always choose
the path we are on, but we can choose the direction we are traveling on that
path.
As always, wishing you peace and love…
~ Brenda
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