Whew. It's amazing when suddenly a veil is lifted from your mind's eye and you just "see" something about yourself! I never realized how big an issue insecurity was in my life. I had a concept of insecurity as someone who is shy, timid, needy, doesn't think they are worth anything. Reading the book "So Long Insecurity" has really opened my eyes to just what insecurity is, and where it comes from, ...how it manifests itself in our lives and the destruction it wreaks on relationships. It can manifest itself in many ways: caretaking of others (finding security in being needed), overcommitting oneself (finding security in all the activities where you are needed), anger (masking insecurity), denial about our issues, denial about our partner's issues, etc. These are a few I've recognized so far. I'm sure I'll uncover more as I continue to learn. yikes.
One of the steps I've taken to "sort it all out" is recognizing that I've had an addiction to seeking security in my relationships, so I'm using the AA 12 step guide and "making a searching and moral inventory of myself" and "making a list of people I've harmed & where possible, making amends."
What's going on feels like spring cleaning my heart, soul and mind. Just like cleaning out some overcluttered storage space, when you first pull all the stuff out, it's like, oh my gosh, how'd I gather all this clutter! Then you start sorting it out... what to keep, what to toss, what to cry over, what to laugh over, what to sit there and say, "Why in the world did I keep this??!" It's alot of work, and it's painful. My heart feels pretty raw and tender...but at the same time, everyday, my head and heart feel lighter and freer. It feels good to take responsibility and face things squarely & just deal with them.
One of the steps I've taken to "sort it all out" is recognizing that I've had an addiction to seeking security in my relationships, so I'm using the AA 12 step guide and "making a searching and moral inventory of myself" and "making a list of people I've harmed & where possible, making amends."
What's going on feels like spring cleaning my heart, soul and mind. Just like cleaning out some overcluttered storage space, when you first pull all the stuff out, it's like, oh my gosh, how'd I gather all this clutter! Then you start sorting it out... what to keep, what to toss, what to cry over, what to laugh over, what to sit there and say, "Why in the world did I keep this??!" It's alot of work, and it's painful. My heart feels pretty raw and tender...but at the same time, everyday, my head and heart feel lighter and freer. It feels good to take responsibility and face things squarely & just deal with them.
Peace, my friends. Enjoy your Sunday. ♥
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