Recently, a couple of girlfriends and I were attending a women’s luncheon at our church. They were selling raffle tickets for prizes but only taking cash and my friends had no cash on them. I dug thru my purse and rounded up ten dollars, with which I purchased ten tickets. I felt bad for my friends not having any cash, so I gave them each two of the tickets. They were surprised and delighted and thankful and I bounded off to the ladies’ room feeling quite good about myself for being such a generous person. Then I felt a check in my spirit. I suddenly saw the selfishness in it. Yes, I gave my friends each two tickets. I didn’t have to. They didn’t expect it. But come on now, it’s hardly generous when I gave them each two and kept six for myself. And there it lay; clearly exposed: the self-centered nature that is still within. Not to mention the embarrassing rapidity with which I was ready to pat myself on the back.
But it’s ok, for this is how we grow and become better people. I love it that God shows me things like this about myself. I didn’t feel shamed or debased, but rather was given a sober, honest reality check about where I am today. Gently but quite clearly showing me, I still have so far to go.
I have helped many people and there are many who would say I am a generous person, but the truth is that I have never given enough to make myself uncomfortable. And I’m not even sure that’s required of us. My point is not to advocate a philosophy of self-denial, but if Christ is my model, and I look at what he gave up so that we might HAVE, then my own assessment of this is that I wish I would’ve instinctively divided them up evenly. Maybe next time. God’s shown me the next rung to reach for.
